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-Mama, mama ¿ La luz se come ?

-¿ porque lo dices hijo ?

-porque papa le dijo a la limpiadora: apaga la luz y metetela en la boca

JeJeJeJJ

¿ La luz se come ? :angry:

Editado por Joni
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Publicado

se abre el telon y se ve a Paca metiendo los dedos en el enchufe....

Como se llama la pelicula???

EL AMPERIO CONTRAPACA!! :bowdown:

Publicado
bueno esto no es un chiste pero te partes el culo si lo hace con el de al lado jajajjajaja aqui va un truquito de como acojonar al pasajero que está sentado al lado tuyo en el avión o en el tren :

1. saca tu ordenador portatil de la bolsa

2. abrelo muy despacio

3. enciendelo

4. asegurate que el capullo de al lado está mirando la pantalla

5. después arranca tu navegador preferido

6. cierra los ojos y levanta la cabeza hacia el cielo...

7. respira profundamente...y haz click sobre el link que tienes abajo :

http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf

8. mira la cara de tu vecino. ;):052:

:pescando::bowdown::whistle::003:

Publicado

Este es un poco viejo pero es bueno :whistle:

Un hombre se acerca un día a una compañera de trabajo de la oficina, se para muy pegado a ella, aspira una profunda bocanada de aire y le dice: ¡Qué bien huele tu pelo!.

Al día siguiente sucede lo mismo, el hombre se le para muy pegado y exclama:

¡Mmmm! ¡Qué rico huele tu pelo!

La cosa se repite al día siguiente y al siguiente.

Después de una semana, la mujer revienta y entra muy disgustada a la oficina del jefe y le dice: Ya no aguanto más ¡esto es intolerable!. Quiero poner una queja contra un compañero de trabajo por acoso sexual.

El jefe escucha la historia y muy sorprendido le dice: Pero, ¿por qué le

molesta que su compañero le diga que su pelo huele bien?

Y le contesta la mujer muy enojada: ¡Porque el desgraciado es enano! :whistle::052:;)

Publicado
le contesta la mujer muy enojada: ¡Porque el desgraciado es enano! :beer2::untitled::whistle:

juarz, juarz, juarz.. valla, valla con el enano,, que canalla, juars, juarz,, y con el olfato fino,,, ja ja ja :hump::beer:

Es que avemo cada uno que pa que :089::089:

Publicado

En la misa del domingo.......

El nuevo cura de la parroquia estaba tan nervioso en su

primer sermon,

que casi no consiguio hablar.

Antes de su segundo sermon, al domingo siguiente, pregunto al

arzobispo como podia hacer para relajarse.

Este le sugirio lo siguiente:

"la proxima vez, coloque unas gotitas de vodka en el agua y va

a ver que, despues de algunos tragos, va estar mas relajado.

El domingo siguiente, el cura aplico la sugerencia y, en efecto, se sintio tan bien, que podia hablar hasta en medio de una tempestad, totalmente relajado e incluso con fervor.

Despues del sermon, regreso a la sacristia y encontro una nota del arzobispo que decia lo siguiente:

Apreciado padre: La proxima vez, coloque unas gotas de vodka

en el agua y no unas gotas de agua en el vodka. Le adjunto algunas observaciones para que no se repita lo que vi en el sermon de hoy.

1.no hay necesidad de ponerle una rodaja de limon al borde del caliz.

2.aquella caseta al lado del altar es el confesionario, ...

No el baño.

3.evite apoyarse en la imagen de la virgen y mucho menos

abrazarla y besarla.

4.existen 10 mandamientos, no 12.

5.los apostoles eran 12, y no 7 y ninguno era enanito.

6.david derroto a goliat con una honda y una piedra; no se lo

follo.

7.no nos referimos a judas como "puto cabron de los cojones".

8.no debe tratar al papa como "padrino".

9.bin laden no tuvo nada que ver con la muerte de jesus.

10.el agua bendita es para bendecir, no para refrescarse la

nuca.

11.nunca diga misa sentado en la escalera del altar y menos

con el pie encima de la biblia.

12.las hostias son para distribuirlas entre los filigreses;

no deben ser usadas como canapes para acompañar el vino.

13.en el ofertorio los fieles entregan el diezmo voluntario;

quite el letrero que dice "bote, gracias!".

14.los pecadores se van al infierno y no "a tomar por culo".

15.el padre nuestro se debe rezar alzando las manos al cielo

y no haciendo la ola.

16.la iniciativa de llamar al publico para bailar fue buena,

pero hacer el trenecito por toda la iglesia, no!.

17.importante: Aquel sentado en el rincon del altar, al que

vd. Se refirio como "maricon de mierda" y "travesti con faldita", era yo .

:beer2::untitled::whistle::beer: jodeer con el cura . :hump:

Publicado

Dos amigos se encuentran por la calle y le dice uno al otro:

Juan, como te va con todo esto de la crisis

ya ves José, pues mucho consumismo

¿consumismo? si no hay ni un duro para gastar, como pudes decir que hay consumismo

No me has entendido José, con su mismo coche, con su mismo piso, con su mismo pantalon.........................

Publicado

Una viuda coloca un anuncio que dice:

"Viuda rica busca hombre para compartir vida y fortuna,

debe cumplir tres requisitos;

1. No me pegará

2. No se ira de casa

3. Debe ser maravilloso en la cama"

Durante meses el telefono sonó, el timbre tambien,

recibia toneladas de cartas, pero nadie parecia cumplir los requisitos.

Un buen dia el timbre de la puerta sono una vez mas.

Abrio la puerta y se encontro con un hombre sin brazos y

sin piernas tumbado en el felpudo. Perpleja le pregunta:

- ¿Quien es usted y que quiere?

- Hola, tu busqueda a terminado. Yo soy el hombre de tus sueños;

no tengo brazos luego no puedo pegarte, no tengo piernas

luego no me escaparia...

- ¿Y que te hace pensar que eres tan bueno en la cama?

- Bueno he tocado el timbre... ¿no? :bienvenido::pescando2::cumple:

A VER SI SE ANIMA ESTO, QUE SOIS MUY SERIOS? :cumple::bowdown::bowdown::bienvenido::bienvenido:

Publicado

bueno a ver si con las risas nos apañamos,

Uno de un Marroquí (que ninguno se me ofenda por favor, eh)

El Marroquí en el INEM

M: Hola, yo busco trabajar

I: Pues tenemos un puesto de barrendero, que...

M: Oh, no, no. Barrendero no, mucho olor malo, levantar mu temprano, no interesa. Tienes otro trabajo para mi?

I: Bueno, tenemos un puesto de carpintero...

M: No, no, no carpintero peligroso, corto dedo, mucho ruido daño en oreja

El empleado del inem ya un poco mosqueado...

I: A usted le gusta viajar señor?

M: Si, si a mi gusta viajar

I: Y el sexo? le gusta el sexo?

M: Oh, si, si gusta sexo

I: Bueno pues se vuelve usted a Marruecos a que le den por el culo!

Publicado

estaba una hormiguita intentando cruzar un rio muy ancho, en esto que llega un conejo sucio, lleno de barro y le dice a la hormiga...

-Hormiguita, tienes miedo a cruzar el rio? no te preoucupes montate en mi lomo y yo nadare hasta la otra orilla.

La hormiga mirando su pelo sucio y lleno de barro le contesta...

-no te preocupes, que ya me busco la vida, que tu estas muy sucio.

total, que el conejo cruza el rio y la hormigita empieza a coger cuatro pajitas para hacerse una balsa para poder cruzar.

Se monta, y a mitad de rio, las pajitas se sueltan y la hormiga cae al rio muriendo ahogada.

MORALEJA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAS VALE CONEJO SUCIO QUE CUATRO PAJAS MAL HECHAS!!!! ;):D:bienvenido::untitled:

Publicado
estaba una hormiguita intentando cruzar un rio muy ancho, en esto que llega un conejo sucio, lleno de barro y le dice a la hormiga...

-Hormiguita, tienes miedo a cruzar el rio? no te preoucupes montate en mi lomo y yo nadare hasta la otra orilla.

La hormiga mirando su pelo sucio y lleno de barro le contesta...

-no te preocupes, que ya me busco la vida, que tu estas muy sucio.

total, que el conejo cruza el rio y la hormigita empieza a coger cuatro pajitas para hacerse una balsa para poder cruzar.

Se monta, y a mitad de rio, las pajitas se sueltan y la hormiga cae al rio muriendo ahogada.

MORALEJA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MAS VALE CONEJO SUCIO QUE CUATRO PAJAS MAL HECHAS!!!! :bienvenido::bienvenido:;):cumple:

:cumple::030::030::030:

jers, jers, jers,,

Ese ma dao de leno ,, ja ja ja cimo se lo montan para las moralejas,,

:cumple::cumple::cumple::cumple:

Publicado

Venga unos cuantos...

> Restaurante de lujo:

> - ¿Que tomarán los señores....?

> - A mi me pone una langosta Thermidor y un cava Juve & Camps reserva de

> familia. - ¡Excelente decisión! ¿Y a su esposa....?

> - Póngale un fax y dígale que me lo estoy pasando de puta madre.....

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Dos caballeros que se movían muy deprisa en el interior de un Hipermercado

> con sus carritos de compras se chocan. Uno le dice al otro:

> - Perdóneme Usted; es que busco a mi señora.

> - ¡Qué coincidencia, yo también! Estoy ya desesperado.

> - Bueno tal vez le pueda ayudar. ¿Cómo es su señora?

> - Es alta, de pelo castaño claro, piernas bien torneadas, pechos firmes, un

> culo precioso, en fin, muy bonita... ¿Y la suya?.

> - Olvídese de la mía, vamos a buscar la suya...

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Un catalán que esta arrancando el papel pintado de su casa es visitado por

> un amigo.... - ¿Qué, redecorando la casa?.

> - No, de mudanza.

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Llega un tipo a su casa, de madrugada y cayéndose de borracho, y le dice con

> voz estropajosa a su mujer:

> - Berta... !!! Voy a amarte!!!!

> - ¡¡¡Como si vas a Júpiter cabrón, pero a mí déjame dormir!!!

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Un tío esta haciendo un crucigrama.

> - Oye, a ver si tu sabes esta: 'Órgano sexual femenino', con cuatro letras,y

> la segunda es una 'O'.

> - ¿Horizontal o vertical?

> - Horizontal.

> - ¡Ah! pues entonces 'boca'.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Esto es una pareja que se conoce en una fiesta y la misma noche acaban en la

> cama. Al acabar, va la chica y dice:

> - Oye, tu no tendrás el SIDA, ¿verdad?

> - ¡No!

> - Menos mal, ya sería mala suerte cogerlo dos veces en la misma semana...

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Un hombre dice a su novia:

> - Mari, ahora mismo te la voy a meter hasta el fondo.

> - ¡Joder!, podrías decir algo mas romántico- dice ella.

> - Está bien, Maria, a la luz de la luna te la voy a meter hasta el fondo.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> - Mamá, mamá ¿cuánto cuesta casarse?

> - No tengo ni idea, hijo; todavía no he acabado de pagar las consecuencias.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Un borracho llega a su casa cantando y haciendo barullo, en eso se asoma un

> vecino y le dice:

> - ¡¡Psss!!, ¡no haga bulla que su mujer se va a despertar!

> - ¡No se preocupe!, cuando llego así mi mujer y yo jugamos al exorcista!

> - ¿Ah, si? y ¿cómo es eso?

> - Bueno, ella me sermonea y yo vomito!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Una pareja de ancianos discuten y el le dice a ella:

> - Cuando te mueras voy a comprar una losa que diga: 'Aquí yace mi mujer, tan

> fría como siempre'.

> - Y yo voy a poner: 'Aquí yace mi marido, ¡AL FIN RIGIDO!'.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> - Mi marido es impotente al 100%

> - Eso no es nada, el mío lo es al 200%

> - ¡Pero eso es imposible!. ¿Como puede ser?

> - Es que se ha mordido la lengua esta mañana.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Una pareja que esta en la cama, son las 4 de la mañana, los dos muy

> relajados por haber echado un par de polvos buenísimos.

De pronto él

> pregunta:

> -¿Quieres que te dé por culo?.

> Ella se para, piensa y dice :

> - Bueno, ya que estamos, ¡adelante!

> Y él le contesta:

> - Pues levántate y hazme una tortilla española que estoy muerto de hambre.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Le dice la madre a la hija:

> - Hija, dicen las vecinas que te estás acostando con tu novio.

> - ¡Ay, mami! la gente es muy chismosa: una se acuesta con cualquiera y ya

> dicen que es el novio.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Dos amigos que se encuentran...

> - Hombre Luis, ¿qué es de tu vida?

> - Pues mira, me he colocado de funcionario.

> - ¡Que bien!, así por las tardes no trabajas.

> - No. Por las tardes no voy. Cuando no trabajo es por las mañanas.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Un hombre entra en un restaurante y ve a una mujer muy bonita sola en una

> mesa. Se aproxima y pregunta:

> - Disculpe señorita, he visto que está usted sola, ¿puedo sentarme y hacerle

> compañía?

> La mujer escandalizada, se pone de pie y responde gritando:

> - ¿Usted está loco?, pero ¿qué se piensa que soy?

> Todo el restaurante lo escucha y el hombre sin saber que cara poner

> contesta:

> - Disculpe yo sólo quería hacerle compañía.

> A lo que la mujer responde dándole una bofetada al hombre:

> - Y encima insiste!!!! Atrevido!!

> El hombre completamente abochornado se va a la otra punta del restaurante y

> decide sentarse allí. A los pocos minutos la mujer se levanta y se acerca a

> la mesa de él.

> - Disculpe por la forma que lo traté antes, pero soy psicóloga y estoy

> estudiando el comportamiento de las personas ante situaciones inusitadas.

> El hombre se levanta y contesta gritando:

> - ¿¿100.000 pesetas??? Estás loca!! Ninguna puta vale eso!!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> - Papá, papá.. ¿Por qué os casasteis tú y mamá?

> - Por tu culpa, cabrón!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> En una prueba de alcoholemia el Guardia Civil le dice al conductor:

> - Mire... ¿No le da vergüenza? (Enseñándole el alcoholímetro que marcaba

> 3,45)

> - ¡Joder! ¡Las cuatro menos cuarto! ¡Mi mujer me mata!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Dos tíos con un pedo tremendo están tirados en las vías del tren. Se acerca

> un policía y ve que uno de ellos esta metiéndole el dedo el culo al otro.

> - Vamos a ver... ¿Usted qué hace? ¿Está ayudando a su amigo a apartarse de

> las vías?

> - No, estoy intentando que vomite. -Pues así no lo va a conseguir.

> - ¿Que no? espera a que le meta el dedo en la boca...

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> - Nieto, nieto... ¿Cómo se llama el hijo puta alemán que me esconde las

> cosas?

> - Alzehimer, abuelo, Alzehimer.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> - Mamá, mamá.. Me se cae la baba.

> - No hija, es 'se me'.

> - No mamá... ¡Te juro que es baba!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> - Doctor, doctor.. ¿Con diarrea me puedo bañar?

> - Hombre, si es abundante...

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> - Padre me confieso que el otro día me acosté con una jovencita de 15 años.

> - Bueno hijo, tampoco es para tanto. Ya lo dicen las Escrituras: 'Hay que

> enseñar al que no sabe'.

> - Sí padre, pero después encontré una señora de 65, que estaba de muy buen

> ver, y no me negué a su proposición.

> - Jesucristo dijo: 'Dad de comer al hambriento'.

> - Ya padre, pero lo más grave es que ayer vi a un moro agachado, con el

> culito todo redondito, y no me pude reprimir.

> - ¡Vaya hijo! Eso ya es más complicado... ¿Pero sabes qué te digo? ¡Al que

> no crea en Dios que le den por culo!!!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Están un niño y una niña jugando. El niño le pregunta a la niña:

> - ¿Sabes cómo se hacen los niños?

> - No, no lo sé...

> - Pues mira, el papá pone la semillita en la vagina de la mamá...

> - ¿Y luego?

> - Luego la empuja con la polla.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Un hombre le pone los cuernos a su mujer y todas las noches se lo quiere

> decir pero no sabe cómo. Así que una noche que están chingando le dice:

> - María... tengo otra...

> - Ella contesta: ¡Pues métemela por el culo!!!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> Está una pareja haciendo el amor y dice ella:

> - Pepe... ¡Eres un monstruo!

> - ¡Tú si que eres fea! ¡Hija de puta!

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> ----

>

> En un casting para un programa de televisión se pide a los participantes que

> den el nombre, los apellidos y una característica que les haga especiales.

> Llega el primero: 'Pepe Romerales. 100 m lisos en 10 segundos'.

> El siguiente: 'Manuel Vargas. Bailarín profesional'.

> En eso llega otro y dice: 'José Unamuno. Una polla de 28 cm .'

> La que estaba apuntando le mira con los ojos desorbitados y le pregunta:

> - ¿¿¿Una qué???

> - Unamuno, joder, ¡Como el escritor!!!

>

Saludos y buena :bienvenido::bienvenido:;)

Publicado

Joder bitxo menudo repertorio ,menudo bitxo estas echo jajjajajaja bueno como parece que esto se anima aqui va otro . :cumple:

Amor eterno..... Ja ja ja

Howard tiene 95 años y vive en un geriátrico. Todas las noches después

de cenar, Howard se recluye en un sector apartado del jardín.

Una noche,

Evelyn, de 87 años, se le acerca. Comienzan a charlar y él le dice a ella:

Sabes que es lo que más añoro de todo?"

-¿Qué?

-¡el SEXO!

Evelyn exclama:

-¡Viejo verde, pero si no se te levantaría, ni aún si apuntara una

pistola a tu cabeza!"

-Ya lo sé- dijo Howard- pero sería lindo si una mujer me la sostuviera,

aunque más no fuera por un rato

-Bueno, puedo ayudarte" dijo Evelyn; y uniendo el gesto a la palabra,

le baja la cremallera, le saca suavemente el miembro y se la

mantiene en la palma de la mano.

Acuerdan encontrarse secretamente en el jardín cada noche,

donde se sentarían a charlar un rato y Evelyn le sostendría por un rato.

Una noche,sin embargo, Howard no apareció en el lugar convenido.

Alarmada, Evelyn empezó a buscarlo por todos lados para asegurarse que

estuviera bien. Terminó por encontrarlo sentado al borde de la piscina,

junto a Ethel, quien estaba sosteniéndosela. Furiosa, Evelyn lo

increpó:

-¿Qué tiene Ethel que yo no tenga?

Howard sonrió feliz y le contestó:

Parkinson... :bienvenido::bienvenido:;)

Publicado

El cuento de siempre pero lo bueno esta al final, ja ja ja

Había una vez una niña muy bonita. Su madre le había hecho una capa roja y la muchachita la llevaba tan a menudo que todo el mundo la llamaba Caperucita Roja.

Un día, su madre le pidió que llevase unos pasteles a su abuela que vivía al otro lado del bosque, recomendándole que no se entretuviese por el camino, pues cruzar el bosque era muy peligroso, ya que siempre andaba acechando por allí el lobo.

Caperucita Roja recogió la cesta con los pasteles y se puso en camino. La niña tenía que atravesar el bosque para llegar a casa de la Abuelita, pero no le daba miedo porque allí siempre se encontraba con muchos amigos: los pájaros, las ardillas...

De repente vio al lobo, que era enorme, delante de ella.

- ¿A dónde vas, niña?- le preguntó el lobo con su voz ronca.

- A casa de mi Abuelita- le dijo Caperucita.

- No está lejos- pensó el lobo para sí, dándose media vuelta.

Caperucita puso su cesta en la hierba y se entretuvo cogiendo flores: - El lobo se ha ido -pensó-, no tengo nada que temer. La abuela se pondrá muy contenta cuando le lleve un hermoso ramo de flores además de los pasteles.

Mientras tanto, el lobo se fue a casa de la Abuelita, llamó suavemente a la puerta y la anciana le abrió pensando que era Caperucita. Un cazador que pasaba por allí había observado la llegada del lobo.

El lobo devoró a la Abuelita y se puso el gorro rosa de la desdichada, se metió en la cama y cerró los ojos. No tuvo que esperar mucho, pues Caperucita Roja llegó enseguida, toda contenta.

La niña se acercó a la cama y vio que su abuela estaba muy cambiada.

- Abuelita, abuelita, ¡qué ojos más grandes tienes!

- Son para verte mejor- dijo el lobo tratando de imitar la voz de la abuela.

- Abuelita, abuelita, ¡qué orejas más grandes tienes!

- Son para oírte mejor- siguió diciendo el lobo.

- Abuelita, abuelita, ¡qué dientes más grandes tienes!

- Son para...¡comerte mejoooor!- y diciendo esto, el lobo malvado se abalanzó sobre la niñita y la devoró, lo mismo que había hecho con la abuelita.

Mientras tanto, el cazador se había quedado preocupado y creyendo adivinar las malas intenciones del lobo, decidió echar un vistazo a ver si todo iba bien en la casa de la Abuelita. Pidió ayuda a un segador y los dos juntos llegaron al lugar. Vieron la puerta de la casa abierta y al lobo tumbado en la cama, dormido de tan harto que estaba.

El cazador sacó su cuchillo y rajó el vientre del lobo. La Abuelita y Caperucita estaban allí, ¡vivas!.

Para castigar al lobo malo, el cazador le llenó el vientre de piedras y luego lo volvió a cerrar. Cuando el lobo despertó de su pesado sueño, sintió muchísima sed y se dirigió a un estanque próximo para beber. Como las piedras pesaban mucho, cayó en el estanque de cabeza y se ahogó.

En cuanto a Caperucita y su abuela, no sufrieron más que un gran susto, pero Caperucita Roja había aprendido la lección. Prometió a su Abuelita no hablar con ningún desconocido que se encontrara en el camino. De ahora en adelante, seguiría las juiciosas recomendaciones de su Abuelita y de su Mamá.

LLo lla lo dije,, "" lo bueno esta al final ""

Ni a caperucita ni a la abuelita les paso nada,, solo fue un susto

:bienvenido::bienvenido:;)

Publicado

entra un tio solo en el bar...

-Camarero tres cafes!!

Y el camarero al verlo solo le pregunta..

-Tres cafes? para quien?

-uno para mi, otro para ti y otro para tu puta madre!!

el camarero se queda alucinado ante tal contestacion, y pasa de el.

Al dia siguiente vuelve a entrar el mismo tio y se repite la operacion.....

-Camarero, tres cafes!!

el camarero ya mosqueado le pregunta....

-con que tresss, ehhh y para quien son??

-uno para mi, otro para ti y otro para tu puta madre!!

El camarero ya se pudo contener mas, salto la barra de un brinco y le pego tal paliza que el tio tubo que abandonar el bar a gatas.

al tercer dia aparece el mismo tio, todo lleno de moratones y de vendajes, y cojeando se acerca a la barra. y antes de que abra la boca le pregunta el camarero con una sonrrisa en los dientes...

-hombre!!!!! como tu por aqui? que vas a tomar?? tres cafes??

-no hoy no, solo ponme dos cafes.

-dos cafes?? y para quien???

-uno para mi y otro para tu puta madre, que tu te pones muy nervioso!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :bienvenido: :bienvenido:

Publicado

Un hombre estaba cortando el césped en el jardín frente a su casa cuando Manolo, su vecino, salió de su casa y se dirigió al buzón de correos; lo abrió, lo volvió a cerrar y regresó a su casa.

Un poco después Manolo volvió a salir de la casa, se dirigió otra vez al buzón, lo abrió y lo cerró con un golpe. Hecho una furia regresó a la casa.

El hombre estaba terminando de cortar el césped cuando vio que Manolo salía de nuevo, iba al buzón, lo abría y lo cerraba con todas sus fuerzas. Intrigado por sus acciones, el hombre le preguntó:

- ¡Oye, Manolo! ¿Te pasa algo?

A lo que respondió:

- ¡Claro que me pasa algo! Mi estúpida computadora me sigue dando un mensaje que dice: "tienes correo". :bienvenido::bienvenido:

Publicado

gorrion muy bueno , yo tambien me se otro de caperucita roja ,lo mejor esta en el final ,es solo imaginarselo jajajajaja ;):bienvenido:

Iba caminando la Caperucita Roja por el bosque, cuando de repente se encuentra al lobo feroz y esta le pregunta: ¿lobo porqué tienes esos ojos tan grandoteeess ? Y el lobo le contesta: es que estoy cagando. :bienvenido:

Publicado

Un hombre se encuentra acostado en un teatro ocupando varias butacas con sus piernas y brazos. Al observar su actitud, el acomodador le pregunta con ironía:

- ¿Está cómodo? ¿Quiere que le traiga un cafecito?

- No tío, llama a una ambulancia que me caí del palco.

Se encuentran dos viejos amigos.

- Sabes, Marcelo, me he separado...

- ¿Pues sabes que te digo? Mejor para ti. La verdad es que tu mujer era una pendona. Se acostaba con todos los del grupo, Incluso a mí un día me llevó al huerto. Créeme lo mejor es que te hayas separado de aquella guarra.

- Me he separado... de mi socio.

Lorena se encuentra a su amigo Jaime y le dice:

- ¡Hola Jaime! Hace mucho que no te veía. ¿Qué has hecho?

- Pues nada, abandoné mi carrera de programador para dedicarme a escribir. Ahora soy escritor.

- ¡Qué bién! Admiro la gente que abandona su carrera para dedicarse a lo que siempre soñó. ¿Has vendido algo?

- ¡Sí! Mi casa, mi coche, mis acciones en la bolsa, ¡Casi todo! :D

Publicado

-Policia..Policia!!

-Me ha violado un retrasado mental!

-A ver disculpe señorita, como sabe usted que se trata de un retrasado mental?

-Pues porque he tenido que mostrarle lo que tenia que hacer...

Publicado

Un conejito esta corriendo por la jungla cuando ve a una jirafa que se esta haciendo un porro.

El conejito se para y le dice a la jirafa: amiga jirafa, no te fumes ese porro.

Mejor te vienes a correr conmigo,ya veras que sano es.

La jirafa se lo piensa y decide tirar el porro y seguir al conejito.

Los dos estan corriendo por el bosque y descubren a un elefante a

punto de snifarse una raya de coca.

El conejito se acerca al elefante y le dice: amigo elefante,deja

de snifar coca y vente a correr con nosotros, veras que bien.

El elefante se lo piensa, tira su espejo con la raya y decide

seguirlos.

Estan los tres corriendo cuando, de pronto, se encuentran con un leon que esta a punto de inyectarse una dosis

de heroina.

El conejito le dice: Amigo leon, como haces eso, tu, el rey de la

selva, deja el pico y ven a correr con nosotros, ya veras lo bueno que es.

El leon se acerca al conejo y le pega una hostia monumental.Los otros animales, escandalizados, preguntan al leon:

Porque has hecho eso? El conejito solo quiere ayudarnos!!

Y el leon responde: Puto conejo de mierda, cada vez que se mete

un tripi nos hace correr como gilipollas!!

Publicado

jajajajaj muy bueno miki.uno que viene bien para estos tiempo .

Una tarde un famoso banquero iba en su limosina cuando vio a dos hombres a la orilla de la carretera comiendo césped. Preocupado, ordenó a su chofer detenerse y bajó a investigar. Le preguntó a uno de ellos

- ¿Por qué están comiéndose el césped?

No tenemos dinero para comida. - dijo el pobre hombre - Por eso tenemos que comer césped.

- Bueno, entonces vengan a mi casa que yo los alimentaré - dijo el banquero.

- Gracias, pero tengo esposa y dos hijos conmigo. Están allí, debajo de aquél árbol.

- Que vengan también, - dijo nuevamente el banquero.

Volviéndose al otro pobre hombre le dijo:

- Ud. también puede venir.

El hombre, con una voz lastimosa dijo:

- Pero, Sr., yo también tengo esposa y seis hijos conmigo!

- Pues que vengan también. - respondió el banquero.

Entraron todos en el enorme y lujoso coche. Una vez en camino, uno de los hombres miró al banquero y le dijo:

- Sr., es usted muy bueno. Muchas gracias por llevarnos a todos!!!

El banquero le contestó: -¡Hombre, no tenga vergüenza, soy muy feliz de hacerlo!.

Les va a encantar mi casa.....

¡El césped está como de veinte centímetros de alto!.

Moraleja: Cuando creas que un banquero te está ayudando, piénsalo dos veces..... :bowdown::052:

Publicado

Al Padre Pascual le estaban haciendo su cena de despedida por 25 años

de trabajo en una Parroquia. Un político miembro de la comunidad fue

invitado para dar un breve discurso. Como el político tardaba en

llegar, el sacerdote decidió decir unas palabras el mismo para llenar

el tiempo.

- Mi primera impresión de la Parroquia la tuve con la primera

confesión que me toco escuchar. Pensé que me había enviado el Obispo a

un lugar terrible, ya que la primera persona que se confeso me dijo

que había robado un televisor, que había robado dinero a sus padres,

había robado también en la empresa donde trabajaba, además de tener

aventuras sexuales con la esposa de su jefe. También en ocasiones se

dedicaba al trafico y a la venta de drogas. Y para finalizar, confeso

que le había trasmitido una enfermedad venérea a su propia hermana.

El Padre Pascual continuaba...

- Me quede asombrado, asustadísimo... Pero cuando transcurrió un

tiempo, fui conociendo mas gente y vi que no eran todos así, vi una

parroquia llena de gente responsable, con valores, comprometida con su

fe. Y así he vivido los 25 años más maravillosos de mi sacerdocio.

Justamente en este momento llego el político, por lo que se le dió la

palabra. Por supuesto, pidió disculpas por llegar tarde y empezó a

hablar diciendo:

- Nunca voy a olvidar el primer día que llego el Padre a nuestra

Parroquia... De hecho, tuve el honor de ser el primero que se confesó

con el...

Publicado

Una monjita se sube a un taxi en medio de la noche oscura.

El taxista durante todo el camino se le queda mirando por el espejo y cuando ella se da cuenta, le pregunta:

- Hijo... ¿Qué es lo que ves?

- Perdón madre, me da mucha penadecírselo, yo no quisiera ofenderla.

- Pero, hijo mío, en mi vida yo he visto muchas cosas y no creo que puedas decirme algo que me pueda ofender.

- Bueno, es que toda mi vida he tenido la fantasía de que una monja me haga sexo oral. La monja se queda sin habla y luego dice:

- Pues... no lo sé, en primer lugar tendrías que ser católico y además tendrías que ser soltero. A lo que el taxista responde emocionado:

-¡Sí, yo soy católico y soy soltero!

La monja se queda sin argumentos y acepta la propuesta del taxista. Este se mete a un callejón y la monja le cumple su deseo.

Cuando han terminado, el taxista empieza a llorar y pregunta la monja:

- Hijo, ¿qué te pasa? ¿por qué lloras?

- ¡Perdóneme madre, he pecado! Soy judío y estoy casado.

- No te preocupes, yo soy gay, me llamo Arturo y voy a una fiesta de Halloween..

:bienvenido: :bienvenido: :pescando::beer::lol: :lol:

Publicado
No te preocupes, yo soy gay, me llamo Arturo y voy a una fiesta de Halloween..

Eso se llama

ir por lana y salir trasquilado :bienvenido::bienvenido::pescando:

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Cons: Exclusions: Some third-party sellers or specific "luxury" lines may not be eligible. Minimum Spend: Certain versions of the offer may require a minimum cart total to activate. Terms And Conditions Of The Shein 20% Off Coupon Code In 2026 Before you apply HD8N3, it is important to review the current terms and conditions to ensure a successful transaction. Many shoppers look for a Shein coupon code 20% off reddit to see real-time feedback, but the official rules are the most reliable source of truth. The Shein coupon code 20% off free shipping offer is usually subject to regional availability and specific order thresholds. We have verified that these codes are tested regularly to ensure they remain a legit coupon code for the Shein coupon store. Overview: Before using HD8N3, verify eligibility, item exclusions, and shipping rules on Shein — terms may vary by region and seller. Verification: Codes are tested by our team to ensure they are active and safe to redeem. Region Eligibility: This offer is valid for users in the USA, UAE, Saudi Arabia, and the broader Middle East. Stacking Rules: Generally, only one promo code can be used per order unless stated otherwise. Seller Exclusions: The discount may not apply to non-Shein branded items or marketplace sellers. Free Shipping: This is not guaranteed for every order; check your local "Free Shipping" threshold. Usage Limits: Most high-value codes are restricted to one use per customer account. Final Note We hope this guide helps you maximize your savings using the Shein coupon code 20% off. Shopping for the latest trends is much more enjoyable when you know you are getting a verified bargain. Always remember to check back for the latest updates on the Shein 20% off coupon. Happy shopping and enjoy your discounted fashion finds! FAQs Of Shein 20% Off Coupon Can I use the Shein coupon code HD8N3 more than once? Typically, high-value 20% off codes are restricted to one use per account to ensure fair access for all new customers. Does the 20% discount apply to shipping fees? The discount usually applies only to the item subtotal, though some promotions may include a separate free shipping benefit. Is code HD8N3 valid in Saudi Arabia and the UAE? Yes, this code is specifically verified for use in Saudi Arabia, the UAE, and across the Middle East region. What should I do if my Shein promo code is not working? Check for typos, ensure your cart meets the minimum spend, and verify that the items are not excluded from promotions. Can I combine a 20% coupon with Shein points? Yes, in most cases, you can use both your earned Shein points and a promo code to maximize your total savings.
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While many codes like HD8N3 are widely shared on platforms like Reddit, their success depends on your region and the specific items in your cart. Overview: Before using HD8N3, verify eligibility, item exclusions, and shipping rules on Shein — terms may vary by region and seller. Verification: All codes should be manually entered to verify they are active for your specific account. Regional Eligibility: The code HD8N3 is primarily optimized for the USA, UAE, Saudi Arabia, and the Middle East. Stacking Rules: Most Shein coupons cannot be stacked with other promotional codes, though they often work on top of slashed sale prices. Seller Exclusions: Products shipped by third-party marketplace sellers may not qualify for the full 80% discount. Shipping: Free shipping is not guaranteed for every order; check the "Shipping Info" page for your country's specific thresholds. Testing: This code has been tested and is regularly verified by our team of deal experts to ensure functionality. Final Note We hope this guide helps you maximize your savings using the Shein coupon code 80% off. It is our goal to provide you with the most reliable information for your fashion shopping needs. Always remember to apply your Shein 80% off coupon at the very end of your checkout process. Happy shopping and enjoy your massive discounts! FAQs Of Shein 80% Off Coupon Can I use the Shein coupon code HD8N3 more than once? Typically, high-value discount codes like HD8N3 are intended for one-time use per customer account, especially for new user promotions. However, Shein frequently releases multi-use coupon packs during major events like the end of year sale. To maximize your savings, check your account's coupon wallet to see if the code has been refreshed for your next purchase. Existing customers should look for specific "returning user" vouchers that are released during holiday shopping seasons. Does the 80% discount apply to the shipping costs as well? 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This stacking method is highly recommended for existing customers who have earned points through previous purchases, reviews, or daily check-ins on the mobile shopping app.
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